*** Krysil note: As this is the first game night Mistina first sat in on and we had no intention at the time of recounting these tales this particular one is a little sketch for plot. It’s only what she can remember having not written down most of it. ****
>>Misty Note: I was blown away by the story the group put together during my first game night and I thought it should be recorded for others to enjoy. Having just completed this post, I realize that I’m introducing myself to the Geek Out! community in a really really weird way. Sorry in advance. But not really. No, no, I really am sorry, guys.<<<
*clears throat*
“This guy is Jerry Seinfeld!” the game begins with a famous stand up comedian who, for reasons unknown, was wandering lost in some medieval dungeon. He quickly encounters a giant yellow gelatinous cube and mistakes it—whatever it is—for honey. ‘”He walks into the next room and saw who he thought was a costar from the Bee Movie!”
“Meanwhile, here’s Madame Eyeball who is a HUGE fan of the Bee Movie,” the unmistakable voice roused a creature who lurked in an adjacent room, who just so happened to be a huge fan, “so she floated toward the sound of Seinfeld’s voice!”
Upon entering the room she was immediately starstruck, finding not only Jerry Seinfeld but also, who she also misidentifies to be, a gigantic blob of honey.
Seinfeld, very much in character, just happened to be a gullible smuck and Madame Eyeball, ever the fangirl, was doing her damnedest not to hyperventilate, that neither realized their mistake…
…until it was too late.
“They both thought that the Pee Blob was a honey cube until it absorbed Jerry Seinfeld through it’s membrane and started to slowly digest him.”
“Madame Eyeball, being slow“—she was all eye and no brain, after all—”was completely confused and just watched this happen.”
~*~*~*~
And then… Um…
I forget so,
Yadda, Yadda, Yadda…
Something else happens then Pee Blob a.k.a. ‘Honey’ exits the room with Seinfeld in it’s ‘belly’.
~*~*~*~
“Enter the one armed zombie,” whose name I don’t remember, “from the room opposite the one Honey and Jerry had just entered.”
“He waved his dismembered arm at Madame Eyeball…”
This is where the story takes a disturbing and unexpectedly graphic turn—
CLICK HERE IF YOU ARE 18+
…
click
Hey! Don’t judge me.
You totally tried to click the ‘HERE’ just now.
You know you did. 😛
“Zombie asked Madame Eyeball if she wanted to get fisted…**“
spit take
What just happened? Did that just happen? No way that happened. There’s a kid present so there’s no way—
“…and Madame Eyeball said ‘OK’…”
double take
…
I guess that did just happen.
Boy did that escalate quickly.
“…and suddenly she had a mouth and she ATE the zombie.”
So many questions that no one wants answered… so I won’t ask!
thumbs up
MOVING ON!
“Meanwhile, at other end of dungeon lives Princess Skeletor!” Sad and lonely, she wanders aimlessly in the cold, dark depths of the dungeon. “She’s looking for love AND doesn’t know her own strength.”
~*~*~*~
Hmm… That last sentence seems kinda weird, huh? Like the two subjects aren’t related, am I right? How is not ‘knowing her own strength’ relevant?
Keep reading to find out~
~*~*~*~
“Legolas Greenleaf, whose beauty immediately bewitched Princess Skeletor, was the first unfortunate victim.“
~*~*~*~
Yes, you read that right. ‘Victim’
~*~*~*~
“Being passionate she rushed to express her undying love only to, unintentionally, hug him to death. Dun. Dun. DUN!!!!”
~*~*~*~
See? That extraneous bit of information isn’t so extraneous anymore. Hurrah!
~*~*~*~
Though devastated, Princess Skeletor continued her quest for love. A quest that somehow, for completely no reason, became racist?
“In the next room of the dungeon she meets a Ninja, clad entirely in black. She was instantly smitten, of course, but was also struck with an identity crisis..?”
‘You’re black? Wait, am I black like you? Or am I white?’
“…which was weird because the ninja was showing no skin and Princess Skeletor had no skin.”
For reasons we will never know, the ninja, being covered from head to toe in black, triggered an epiphany for Princess Skeletor—that she knew absolutely nothing about herself—and she was quickly overwhelmed with the NEED to know who she was.
~*~*~*~
Don’t get it? Well neither do I and I was there.
We’re almost at the end of this adventure, if you can call it that.
Besides, it’s going to start making some sense. Maybe. Eventually?
~*~*~*~
“She threw herself at the ninja ‘Love me and help me find myself!’ and latched onto him hard.” She caught the ninja completely off guard, not that you can blame the poor guy. I mean, I’m sure even his sensei wouldn’t fault him for not anticipating… Whatever the Hell just happened here.
“The ninja struggled, even managed to plunge a dagger into her chest, but she was a skeleton so… He too was eventually hugged to death.”
“In bloody clothes and with a dagger sticking out of her rib cage, she was on the verge of despair but she was saved by another plot line (if you can call it plot) when it suddenly crashed into hers!”
“From an adjacent room, a duel carriage wheel wielding dwarf wizard and a handsome viking burst in screaming, since they were on fire.” Oh, did I forget to mention they were aflame? Oops, my bad. “They stumbled into each other and fell into a flaming heap in the middle of the room.”
“Princess Skeletor had no time to think! She instinctively moved to rescue…”
“The dwarf, Sir Schmoopy of Awesometon, screams! NO HOMO!!! (guess how we stacked the characters? XD)”
***Krysil note: The game pieces had to be stacked on top of each other as the game typically isn’t expecting you to have them laying down, burning and doggy piling…then again this game also doesn’t have any story lines but we add them because it’s more fun that way ***
“Who did she choose to rescue? Hmm…”
The homophobe or the handsome warrior? Man that’s a tough choice. She’ll definitely have to take a minute or two to think about it—
“She jumps over the dwarf and tries to hug the viking out of the fire. She managed to pull him out but he was still on fire and now so was she.”
Lucky for her death makes her immune to fire. Well, when one is so dead they’re just bone. However nothing could be impervious to what happened next.
“With his dying breath, the viking confessed to Princess Skeletor. Despite being both crushed to death and burned alive, the viking wheezed out…”
‘I love you… I’ve always loved you… I loved you since I saw you entering this dungeon… I wanted to protect you… So I followed you and as I did I came to know you and loved you more and more… I see you….’
…and he died.”
“Princess Skeletor was overwhelmed! She found love only to have him die in her arms. Also, the man loved her at first sight, but how? What did he see in her? She’s a skeleton, she didn’t have a face. Was she black? Was she white? She didn’t even know!”
“She’s left bloody, on fire, naked, a dagger sticking out of her chest and alone. In a daze, she wandered back into the room she had hugged Legolas to death. She knelt by a puddle to gaze at her reflect, praying it would give her answer.”
“Sir Schmoopy rolled in soon after, into the bigger puddle which put out the flames that he declared ‘were just an optical illusion~!’“
The moral of the story: There’s a reason that role play isn’t in the game description. A very good reason. Very good. Yup.
THE END
**please don’t google this verb. please don’t.
*** Krysil note: That was…really dark. Poor Princess Skeletor. She wasn’t even the winner of the game but we don’t remember how it ends anymore. She does die so her anguish over who she is, who she loves, who loved her and is now dead all end tragically for her somewhere along the route and is forgotten.
…
….
……That was supposed to be comforting that her misery didn’t last long but it still sounds awful. We are terrible people. ***
>>>Misty note: Could have been much worse. One year, at Otafest… The panelist for the Yaoi panel didn’t show up so a poor volunteer who knew NOTHING about the genre was put in charge and… Oh my goodness, the poor poor thing… She opened the panel with the improv ‘One Word at a Time’ fan fiction.
Yeah. It wasn’t pretty.
…
I still want that transcript. XP<<<
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