Sometimes, Krysil writes weird. Maybe she’s angry, maybe she’s hangry. Eat a snickers, woman.

“We haven’t shown everything” – Nintendo spokesperson to Wall Street Journal.

Thanks tips! Most would not expect Nintendo to just drop all information on the Switch in one shot. We know about mystique, suspense and dangling carrots. That last one struck me as a little sexy.

Nintendo in one week has dropped a teaser (whore), a confirmation that there is no backwards compatibility built into the Switch (bitch), and this useless reminder that they are not telling us everything we need to know about the console (blonde). So to reiterate: Nintendo is totally not a prostitute but very well may be a blonde bitch whore.

As the weeks and months leading up to March 2017 continue we will undoubtedly learn more of the everything. I’m just bitter that Nintendo has already started to show the middle finger to its fans by nixing backwards compatibility and basically being apart of the sheeple agenda that Microsoft and Sony have been doing for years.

There is nothing screamed for more, at least by my game friends, than the ability to keep playing the game stack from the last gen they have yet to touch without having a closest of consoles to dust off and find the cords for. Show us some love, damn it!

Following in Sony and Microsoft’s footsteps has never really been Nintendo’s thing but I guess they may be starting to second guess themselves. It’s ok, we all have body issues. You released this sexy new thang that looks like a derp puppy but now are worried it can’t hang with the cool kids. Derp puppy need no cool kids! BITE THEM!

I am very likely still going to get Derp Puppy Switch regardless what awful and terrible new bombs are dropped to let us know all our hopes and dreams regarding how awesome it looks are all just illusion.

You can do the thing! We believe in you! Oh, and I guess you are a prostitute as I’m giving you money to pleasure me.